Times of War
by Chasing
Summary: A 14 part one-shot containing character's thoughts on the War and why they are who they are today. Rated T for darker themes.


**Author's Note:** Yo, readers galore! (well, hopefully, anyway.) This is a 14 part one-shot containing some character's thoughts on the war… And be warned… Some of my interpretations of the characters are kinda…. Different, but hopefully you'll like them :) This is my first fic in quite some time, and the first one to be posted on this site… Constructive criticism is welcomed, but flames will be laughed at, and if they're stupid enough, they will be posted. Thanks, and (hopefully-_-') enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **……… Well, I would own it if you sold it to me… right now… but since you didnt, I guess I don't. *sighs dejectedly*

**Lavi~**

In, out. In, out. In, out. And repeat.

It was all I'd done for quite some time, really. Inhale, exhale. Eyes closed, no distractions. In, out. In, out.

I had been like this for a while. Maintaining enough consciousness to remain just that, conscious, while still looking as if I was in a coma. In, out. Biding my time. Because as soon as I woke up, this temporary solace would be gone, in the blink of the one eye I had.

And then back to war with me.

This white, tender, fleeting peace was everything I had.

And so I breathe in, and out. Inhale, exhale. Waiting.

Lenalee had already been by 3 times. Sometimes it was hard to tell if she was crying or not, she tended to be quieter. I would always imagine the silent tears pooling in her eyes before they slipped down her cheeks and fell from her chin onto her uniform.

No one's visited except for Lenalee and Bookman. He doesn't really visit though; he just whisks by and glances into the ward. Or at least, that's how it sounds when the infirmary staff complains about him. He probably knows I'm awake, but he didn't tell. He knew I needed this.

In, out. In, out. In, out.

I mustn't think too much, get too fretful. If I do, they'll be able to tell I'm here, that I'm not as broken as I once was.

But soon, soon my waiting will stop. I only need a little more time.

And then Lenalee's tears wont fall, and my breathing will cease to be calm and controlled.

In, out, out. In, out, out.

Soon…

**Allen~**

I wish things were different. I wish I didn't have to try so hard, I wish I didn't have so many responsibilities. I wish I'd had parents; I wish I hadn't had to grow up so hard. I wish Mana had loved me for who I was, rather than for my Noah. I wish I didn't even have the Noah! I wish I could relax and not have to worry for once. I wish I'd had it easy…

I wish I could erase the past. I wish I was strong enough to protect the people I love.

I wish I could stop the empty sacrifices. I wish I could cleanse the Noah and the Earl. I wish I could end this…

I wish I could stop all of the pointless deaths…

I wish I was strong enough…

I wish I was strong enough to win this war.

**Lenalee~**

The stupid war needed to end.

I'm tired of the constant worry, the never-ending battles, always having to be on my guard. I'm tired of never knowing whether my friends are going to make it back alive. I'm tired of fighting…

I want it to end!

(Time Skip)

Tyki Mikk lunged for my throat; I dodged and went in for an underhand attack. I just caught his throat; the blood was dripping down his neck from the cut I left behind.

I didn't want to do this... I didn't want to kill him! He was human, too, deep down, beneath the Noah that overpowered it. He didn't deserve to die.

Kill or be killed; that's what Komui told me, when I first came to the Order.

Why me? Why us? Why did we have to do this? We didn't choose this! This is insane! We were thrust into this; our will doesn't matter. Leverrier proved that.

Try to run, and you die. We have no escape.

I collapse; as I was thinking one of Tyki's tease had hit my stomach, throwing me down on my back.

Was I really going to die for this?

**Leverrier~**

No one understands.

For our cause to flourish, we _need_ sacrifices. We need people to see the big picture and _accept that they will die. _If they didn't, who would?

Let the weak die, so the strong can prosper; can fulfill the weak's dreams. The easier people accept their fate, the sooner we can win this war and end the havoc and chaos… the sooner we can escape. The sooner we can rest in a few blissful years of peace. The sooner I can die without regrets.

The sooner I won't have to worry about who I'll be leaving behind.

What the exorcists say about not having a choice—its true. All true. But we don't have a choice, either. Once you're involved, you're in. There's no turning your back on war.

It'll just stalk you until it's too late; I've seen it happen. No one escapes. No one surrenders and lives.

No one truly wins, in the end. Both sides are going to be broken; it's only a question of which one manages to keep a few last pieces together. The other would already have shattered.

I refuse; we will not shatter! We will win for all of those sacrificed, all of those who died for our cause!

We _must_ win.

For the sake of my regrets: We must win.

**Johnny~**

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to be strong…

I'm tired of the war! I don't want to be here, where it only ever rains… where the sun never truly shines. I wish I could leave. I wish there was an escape to the sun.

Its no wonder Cross left…

I wish I were strong enough to escape… I wish I had special powers too…

I hate being weak.

**Link~**

I always wondered what my father would have thought of my career, and now I know the answer.

He would have disowned me.

Leaving a trail of pain, and bitter murder floating behind me… Never questioning the righteousness of our cause. Never running; always killing. He would hate me for it.

He would hate us all.

Not that he would like the Noah and the Millennium Earl any better; he would loathe the entire war.

He hated war. Unnecessary, pointless violence, merciless politicians… "It never does anything!" He said. I never thought it was true until now.

Who would've thought? I never expected him to be right. He was wrong about many things; I thought this was probably one of those times.

Oh how I miss the young, innocent child I used to be…

He never appreciated innocence.

He never thought his only precious son would end up trapped in a war no one wants.

He never knew his only son would become the one thing he hated most: A murderer.

**Kanda~**

My lotus has lost its last petal.

I'm going to die…

I wonder if anyone's going to miss me?

**Road~**

"_It's pointless to try_

_Run as you may,_

_You will be caught_

_By the end of today_

_Never have you_

_Been hurt more than this_

_Soon you will die_

_At my hands or his fists_

_Never remember_

_What we have forgot_

_For try as you might_

_Your corpse shall still rot_

_Soon they will be here_

_Sing as you may_

_Drown in your fear!"_

**Jasdevi~**

"_Bro?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Why are we here? Why don't we just… you know… do a Fourteenth?" _

"_I dunno… where would we go? The Order wouldn't take us."_

"_Well, what if we went to them for protection and helped them? Do you think they would take us then?" _

"_Probably not…"_

"_Oh…"_

There were a few moments of bitter silence.

"Can't we go anyway?" David stated out loud.

"Go where?" The Earl whispered, startling the pair off of the couch and onto the floor.

"What the hell?!"

"_Go where?" _The Earl repeated.

"Nowhere!" The twins spoke as one.

"_Really_…Well, fine. I have a mission for you~"

"Okay…" They tried to hide their fear, but ultimately failed.

Soon they would be back on the battlefield.

Soon the blood would spill…

**The Pope~**

"Never again, will I make these mistakes."

His last breath spent; he died, leaving the war far behind him.

**Cross~**

I wonder when it all began to go downhill.

Was it when my father would beat me black and blue as my mother feebly attempted to shield me? Was it, as she died, still trying to protect her only child? Was it when I finally killed him, gaining freedom? Was it when I found my innocence and joined the order?

Or was it when I gave up on life?

I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to. Some things are best left unspoken…

Either way, I went downhill. I went downhill really, really bad.

The drinking, the smoking, the constant sex. It's a wonder I'm even alive. If you had asked me at the age of 15 whether I was going to live to be 21, I would have told you to go fuck yourself, all the while thinking _No way, I'll never live to be 21._ I can't believe that I actually did it. I lived.

I don't know why, but I lived.

And so here I am now, staring at the ceiling of a cheap brothel, the prostitute I had ordered lying next to me on the bed, fast asleep.

The weirdest thing is that no matter what happened, I never cried. Not as a child, not now. Not ever.

Why would I? I'm happy, right?

Well, I was happy for a while, I think. But then the war hit.

I left the Order for a reason, and this was it. As soon as it got comfortable, something happens, and you're all as good as dead. No one lives long while at war. Some don't live at all…

I wonder if I'll live? If you can even call this living.

I _am_ happy… right?

**The 14****th**

It won't take long to break him. Soon, his body will be mine to control… Or I guess it's more as if we'll be one. We'll meld into a new being, a new existence…

And poor, helpless little Allen will be gone! Gone forever…

The thought makes me smile.

**The Earl~**

"_Even as I wave goodbye~_

_You'll still hear my lullaby~_

_Never knew you'd be the one~_

_To call my name and blind my eyes~_

_Always thought I'd be the one~_

_To kill you off instead!~_

_Yet here I find myself and Death~_

_Sitting side by side~_

_I never thought you'd be the one~_

_To kill me!"_

**Nurse~**

I'd never seen so much death in one place. I hope I never live to see it again.

I've been around for some time, and I've seen a lot of things. But never have I seen someone as miserable as the one boy… the one with the eye-patch. The monitor's say he's in a coma… but I think he's awake. Biding his time. Taking a break, of sorts…

I wont wake him up; he's an exorcist. He needs this more than anyone else in the Order, I bet.

He's only had 1 visitor, the female exorcist… I remember when she came here, at such a young age. It saddens me.

The man I presume is Bookman comes by to, but he never enters the ward. He just sends a disapproving look in his apprentice's direction before he runs back down the hall.

The exorcist has only been in the coma for a little while; I haven't needed to wash him yet. I get the feeling that any day now he's going to decide it's time. Going to wake up. Going to go back to his duties as the main force in our small, feeble army…

I hope he doesn't die any time soon; I've grown rather fond of him.

But soon… soon he'll go back.

He can't hide forever…

The poor, poor boy.

**REVIEWS MUCH APPRECIATED! Thanks for reading! **


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